Mean guy

Discussion of Thai-Western relationships and the book, "Thailand Fever."
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sukanya2521
Posts: 8
Joined: Sun Jan 21, 2007 11:44 pm

Mean guy

#1 Postby sukanya2521 » Mon Jan 22, 2007 1:20 am

some time, people can be so mean
Last edited by sukanya2521 on Wed Jan 31, 2007 1:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

Geoff
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#2 Postby Geoff » Sat Jan 27, 2007 8:10 pm

seems like you had a bad patch of luck. I hope things work out for you. I am not sure I believe though that all Thai Farang couples fall into the negative categories you describe.

As a matter of fact I couldn't find any reference to suicide or murder of a Thai wife.....

so if this comment is for real, chock dee, i hope your life turns around...if, as I suspect, its a troll, you did put a good amount of effort into it..

thaidude
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed Nov 22, 2006 6:31 am

Can you accept a Western working husband?

#3 Postby thaidude » Sat Jan 27, 2007 8:45 pm

Sukanya - first I want to say that I am sorry to hear of all your troubles. The more I learn about Thai culture the more I appreciate the differences and the difficulties they can present between Thai-Western relationships.

I agree that many Western lower-middle income earners that meet Thai women will likely find the on going financial commitments overwhelming. I also think, as Vitida points out, that they have little to no understanding of the cultural differences and that the Westerner gets caught up in feeling the "money bag" syndrome ie. constantly shelling out money in support of the wife and family. However, Thai women would also be best to understand that a Western man is not necessarily their financial salvation. Your subject "Can you afford to have a Thai wife?" has a flip side which could be titled "Can you accept a Western working husband?"

Thai women need to understand who these men are that they meet. What means do they have to support her and her family since that is going to be important to the Thai woman. She also needs to appreciate that although when the Western man is in Thailand he may appear wealthy that long term living in the USA is very costly. She will need to consider that in the Western culture she may be expected to contribute in some fashion to the marriage and that may mean going to school, getting educated and working.

In response to your two catagories of farang husbands:

Thai women are amazingly beautiful and captivating. The bar girls are quite forward with their approach and Western men are not used to the attention or forwardness. The blue collar guys you mention are most likely feeling like millionaires in Thailand and believe they have found paradise. I have seen some beautiful Thai women with some not so very attractive Western men in Thailand. I am sure these guys have never had it so good and are overwhelmed with their emotions so much that they propose marriage. Many of these men most likely don't read much about Thai social, socio-economic or cultural issues and are therefore disadvantaged in understanding the situation they find themselves. So back to America they go with their Thai wife in tow only to later discover the issues that arise. Not doubt that the results are as you describe.

The men who meet professional Thai working women are also at a similar disadvantage if they do not educate themselves with regards to the social and cultural issues. They most likely cannot appreciate the challenges of moving from a 3rd world country to the US including the language barrier. Even if language is not an issue, Thai University degrees do not hold the same status in the US as they would in Thailand. As you mentioned, nursing, which is a position in demand, would be beneficial but I still believe that further examinations, accreditation and licensing would be required before a Thai nurse could work in the US.

However, you did not address my catagory of Farang husband. Well educated, high income earner and culturally aware:

In my case I am a working professional earning a great salary. I was on short assignment in Asia when I met my current wife. Not a bar girl but not a working professional. She has gone to school for business development but did not finish her degree. She had been in a short arranged marriage with a rich man whom she discovered had many girlfriends. She left him and not too long afterwards I met her. Her family is lower-middle class but very warm and loving. I fell in love with her and we got married in Thailand. She returned with me to the US and over the past four years have had many issues arise that have strained our marriage significantly. Although I have more than adequate income to support us both money still seems to be an issue. She has gone to school to improve her language skills but she has not put in the effort over the fours years to gain what would be necessary to go to University. Our goal was to get her into school in the US so she could aquire valuable skills and get herself a good job with resaonable pay. This was a goal she wanted for herself and something I supported. I agreed to fund all her schooling and support her financially otherwise. We bought her a car, we live in a big new house, she gets vacations every year as well as travels back to Thailand. We send an extra 10,000/20,000 Baht every month to her family as well as extra during Christmas and Thai New Year. We also pay for her neice to go to a private school in Thailand and her sister to go to University in Thailand. Before we got married I built and paid for renovating her family's home in Thailand and spent 6 months in Thailand living with her family and paying for all their living expenses during that time. I did that to get to know them and to learn Thai language, culture and even became Buddhist. After all that I have done, my wife has not continued in her school and instead leaves me for 1-2 months at a time to go work "under-the-table" with her friend in another state. When I ask her why she tells me that she wants to send more money to her family. She cannot work with the long term plan of getting a good education and eventually a good job and is very short sighted. I don't understand her. I am left without a wife, partner or companion because money and her family seem more important.

Is this a cultural thing or am I seeing a part of her which is not so much Thai but really just who she is? We are now separated because we do not get along very well, she is very impatient with me and we never spend time together. It is sad that so much went in to this marriage but she seems very short sighted in her goals.

I still love the Thai culture and think that Thai women are the most beautiful. I just wish I could meet a Thai woman who is aware of the cultural issues between the Thai and Westerner, is smart enough to work together as a partner with her husband and patient enough to overcome what is needed for a successful marriage.

sukanya2521
Posts: 8
Joined: Sun Jan 21, 2007 11:44 pm

Reply to Mr.Geoff

#4 Postby sukanya2521 » Sun Jan 28, 2007 1:11 am

Mr.Geoff ;

Maybe you live in protective environment that why you seem question by story. You better to get your ass and come live in Phoenix, join Thai association or go Phoenix temple, try to make friends with those blue collar guy and then you will know that all story that I said is true. One thing about my life that I always so proud of myself and I don't think I am different than any typical Thai women, it is " I am not talk bullshit, I talk what I felt and I tell people how I felt to them honestly"

Good for you that you have happy marry, I am so happy for you.

Sukanya

sukanya2521
Posts: 8
Joined: Sun Jan 21, 2007 11:44 pm

Isan girl

#5 Postby sukanya2521 » Sun Jan 28, 2007 2:06 am

I think people who read this book almost has Isarn girl, tell me who don't marry with Isarn girl
Last edited by sukanya2521 on Wed Jan 31, 2007 1:28 am, edited 1 time in total.

sukanya2521
Posts: 8
Joined: Sun Jan 21, 2007 11:44 pm

Mr.Geoff

#6 Postby sukanya2521 » Sun Jan 28, 2007 2:13 am

Seem like your wife come from Isarn. I am sure that she sent money to her home every month (Lol)

sukanya2521
Posts: 8
Joined: Sun Jan 21, 2007 11:44 pm

Reply to Mr.Geoff

#7 Postby sukanya2521 » Sun Jan 28, 2007 2:14 am

Mr.Geoff ,

Seem like your wife come from Isarn region, I am sure she sent money to her home country every month (lol), good for you (he, he)

sukanya2521
Posts: 8
Joined: Sun Jan 21, 2007 11:44 pm

#8 Postby sukanya2521 » Sun Jan 28, 2007 2:16 am

Mr. thaidude,

I felt like you are some body that know before. You might be dating with some of my girlfriends before, or who know ? you might ever write to me ?

Hope you contact me back.

Sukanya

sukanya2521
Posts: 8
Joined: Sun Jan 21, 2007 11:44 pm

Isarn girl

#9 Postby sukanya2521 » Sun Jan 28, 2007 2:22 am

Isarn girl
Last edited by sukanya2521 on Wed Jan 31, 2007 1:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

Geoff
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#10 Postby Geoff » Sun Jan 28, 2007 5:02 pm

Sukanya,

I am sorry to have doubted you. You seem sincere.

I think you should get out of the relationship if he has hurt you. Phoenix has some help for you if you want it.

NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE at:
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

I think they can help get you safe.

Do you know a Maria there in Phoenix, I think she is in the Thai community as well?

thaidude
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed Nov 22, 2006 6:31 am

Sukyana

#11 Postby thaidude » Sun Jan 28, 2007 5:25 pm

Sukyana,

why did you pull your postings?
Last edited by thaidude on Wed Jan 31, 2007 4:20 am, edited 1 time in total.

sukanya2521
Posts: 8
Joined: Sun Jan 21, 2007 11:44 pm

Maria

#12 Postby sukanya2521 » Sun Jan 28, 2007 5:31 pm

Yes, she is my friend
Last edited by sukanya2521 on Wed Jan 31, 2007 1:31 am, edited 1 time in total.

Geoff
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#13 Postby Geoff » Mon Jan 29, 2007 5:15 pm

Yes, she is Thai. She work in IT field with famous international company in Thailand, she was working here after she graduated from no.1 university in Thailand with first degree in computer science. The reason that she still single because she was study hard in high school or get entrance to study in faculty of Medical, so no time for see a guy and have puppy love same like another teenager.

I thought maybe you knew her, sorry.


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