Money or love?

Discussion of Thai-Western relationships and the book, "Thailand Fever."
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sdshaman
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Joined: Sat Jan 04, 2014 5:49 pm

Money or love?

#1 Postby sdshaman » Sat Jan 04, 2014 6:23 pm

SO I meet his perfect Thai girl online. Everything feels right so I come to meet her. I hang out with her family day and night for almost 2 weeks. We are spending time together every day. I really think the family is sincere but wanting to fund their retirement from Sin Sod. They say it is for show. Day 10 we go out for a few hours and when we get back to moms shop crying happens. I think that since mom just left upset that something is majorly wrong. The girl asked me to not let her mom know she was crying and quickly snapped out of it. I felt like this was it. She asked what I think about her because the customers were gossiping that we were sleeping together since she was not at the shop and this farang had been hanging around. Next thing I know they are talking about sin sod and engagement. She takes me to my hotel and says she wants to talk about it. I ask her what her parents expect and she gets super nervous, crys a little and keeps going to the bathroom but does not tell me for 2 more days because she is so nervous. Like when she cried before I really thought that she thought that I would go away and all the time we spent knowing each other online would be lost. So finally she coughs out 5mill. I say no way so that is all? this relationship is over? She says a can talk with parents. So in talk number 2 (without her father) she determines (under her moms puppet strings) that I am ot worthy of taking care of her. I leave thinking how stupid this is. The next morning her father calls me and asks me to come to have breakfast with him like I had been every day. Come to find out that they really like me and will let me decide. We decide to get engaged and 80k baht later and a couple of baht of gold we are engaged. Main purpose was so we could go everywhere together without her looking like a slut. Of course we were really good friends and had talked about the possibility of being married one day already. We go to the grandparents house and they are happy to see me and invite great grandparents over. White rope on our wrists we leave to go back home. When we get back she is sad, I ask why and she tells me that she does not want to have her grandparents sad if I decide to leave her or not honor tradition. She said I knew all about her family but she didn't know about mine. The next days we do not spend any time together. Her shop is too busy in the day time and at night time always something. Work, duty taking care of her little sister... always some excuse why we cannot be together unless we are at her moms shop. During the engagement I offered 80k for sin sod. later to realize that this is not tradition. Or is it? They posted the money all over fabc so It really was a show to them. I feel bad because I think they are legit but mom wants money. They offer 20k back to her in gold and invest the rest. I see them trading with it online. So the 20k that goes to their daughter I didn't pay at engagement because I could only get so much from atm. I told her I would take her to get it 3 days ago but didn't because she would ot spend time with me. I was feeling like she was only interested in money and not a relationship. I hold out because I want to have alone time with her. So today she takes me in the back room of the shop and says OK what you want talk about? I said we need to spend quality time together. She says ok lets go buy the gold. Again relationship sounds like only about money, but at the same time I feel bad because I told her I would. Tonight I think she was going to go to dinner with me but mom was there and always runs the food tab up to 15-1700. I am not sure if she is going or not so I take a chance and make a rude joke about how I didn't want to spend very much because I had to save for wedding sin sod. Yes the other sin sod was for engagement only... question if this is tradition or not. Anyway, she gets mad and tells me to go find some rice and she would go with her family to eat. I really hope I didn't hurt her feelings because of overthinking the money/relationship situation. She returns later and said she would contact me but she didn't I contacted her and she was crying. Now I feel really bad but the same time she made no effort to build relationship. Tomorrow I am going to confront her father about how bad this really looks to me. He is understanding and shouldn't be offended. I just hope that I didn't hurt her feelings for no reason. It is to the point now where she wants to call off the engagement. Maybe this is a blessing but If I loose a good thing over a few dollars and really hurt a sincere persons feeling I would feel terrible. Please any advice or suggestions would really help...

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