Not 1st choice for bargirl!

Discussion of Thai-Western relationships and the book, "Thailand Fever."
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steven
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Apr 14, 2006 3:10 pm
Location: England

Not 1st choice for bargirl!

#1 Postby steven » Fri Apr 14, 2006 3:25 pm

To anyone who will listen and can help!

I met a bar girl in December who I feel for very much and was also fooled into thinking I was the 'special one' in her life. Got the customary letter about how much she liked me and the emails. I did know at the time that she was mailing other boys but thought I could stand out from the rest.

I went back to see her in March and we got on very well despite the odd argument which was my insecurites about the work she did. One of these arguments was about the other boys she emailed and I asked her where I came on the list if she had a choice. I was told I would be third choice and I believe I was suitabily upset by this.

We had a good holiday and I was taken back to her home town to meet her family and she was scared of this for the reasons laid out in Thailand Fever. I met her family and everything was good and I came back very much in love with her.

Now she doesn't work anymore and lives back home with her family and waits for me to come back in July and hopefully we can get her a visa to come back to England for 6 months and see how we go. I believe she cares about me very much and gets upset sometimes because she can not see me. She has also told me she feels guilty because she thinks I do everything for her and she does nothing for me. She also can't understand why I care for her the way I do because no one has treated her so good before and I think she finds it hard to accept. She knows how much I care and I know she cares for me too.

If she likes me so much why am I so paranoid that in March I was number 3 on her list? Are Thai girls upset that they don't get the first choice? In English culture a girl doesn't settle for 2nd best! Will her mind now of changed and she realises that it is me she would like to be with? Will she always have regrets that she didn't wait to see what happened with the other boys?

Can anyone help with this??

Steven

Yenner
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Apr 15, 2006 2:48 am

#2 Postby Yenner » Sat Apr 15, 2006 3:24 am

Sometimes people say hurtful things they don't really mean during arguments. Maybe it was just said in the heat of the moment. But sometimes they speak the truth. You'll have to work out for yourself if she really meant to say that.

Thailand is a country that still has some arranged marriages, where the girl has no choice what so ever about who she's married to. English girls don't settle for 2nd best. But Thai girls are different.

Besides, if you could have any woman in the world, including celebrities, who would it be? We don't always get our first choice.

My wife also feels insecure and guilty because I'm the sole bread winner of the family. I just constantly reassure her that I'm happy that she cooks, cleans and looks after the baby. I think this insecurity is a little bit like English girls continuously asking "Do you think I'm fat?"

Hope this helps

BeenThere_DoneThat
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Apr 29, 2006 4:25 am

#3 Postby BeenThere_DoneThat » Sat Apr 29, 2006 4:55 am

From my experience I wouldn’t say that it is a real problem that you have not been the 1st choice for your girl.
Bargirls hardly get to marry their first choice anyway, because that “1st choice” usually is not interested in marrying a Thai (bar) girl in the end.

As Yenner wrote, often the first choice is more a dream than reality.
Such as maybe your first choice also might be an other girl, but you deliberately don’t choose the youngest and most beautiful one, but rather go for a more realistic choice.
And you also will love your girl, won’t you?

IMHO most Thai girls are happy to marry a man who truly loves her and will care for her. And in the process of getting more and more close to each other, usually that “middle choice” will become the first choice in her heart anyway.
In fact, I would appreciate the honesty of your girl.

However, you should get worried if your girl seems to be somewhat unhappy or indifferent despite marriage is closing in. If she’s not happy about marrying you this should be a big warning sign.

You definitely should locate and solve any bigger issues prior to marriage.
No matter if they might be caused by her regretting not marrying her first choice, or because of any other reason.

Good luck for the two of you!

travelingmike
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu May 04, 2006 12:59 am

not a bar girl

#4 Postby travelingmike » Thu May 04, 2006 1:19 am

Do you honestly feel good about getting married to a woman that has had sex with men for money? You were a paying customer so you can not put down the woman for this. The question always comes back to , would you marry a prostitute in England? The whole thing starts from a lie, unless you will honestly tell your friends,family, and co-workers that your wife slept with fat,sweaty men for a living and then you came along and rescued her. There is another book about the bar girl in thailand, I can not think of the name, but when I do I will post it. If you would take the time to get to know thailand, spend more time there, you would find there are plenty of available women looking for a sincere guy. Learn the language, learn the culture, read more. My wife and I enjoyed reading the book of this website, we laughed throughout and learned alot about our misconceptions at the start. Read some of the stickman bangkok site to learn more about thai relationships . Unless you are going to die for sure within the next year, then take your time. Think about you being the middle "choice", this prostitute is choosing among all the men who write her who have enjoyed her orifices! It is hard enough at times in a relationship, let alone starting one with someone in a different culture, and then to top it off she is a hooker. If someone knows the name of the book I am trying to think of , post it. It is about a guy falling in love with a bargirl in the nana area of bangkok, he is also from england.

travelingmike
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu May 04, 2006 12:59 am

name of the book

#5 Postby travelingmike » Thu May 04, 2006 1:44 am

The name of the book was Private Dancer, it is also reviewed among other books on the stickman bangkok website.

benmajor
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Sep 07, 2006 4:34 am
Location: Midwest, USA

My opinion

#6 Postby benmajor » Thu Sep 07, 2006 4:42 am

Just joined this thread. Don't know if it's cold yet, but will offer my two cents. I was in a similar situation until 1 month ago. My fiancee then called it off very badly. Just stop returning my calls and emails. I didn't do anything bad, just she decided she could do better. Anyway...my recommendation is not to marry her yet but to see if you can live with her a while first. Don't rush marriage.

thegoldpope
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 6:05 pm
Location: Bangkok, Thailand

#7 Postby thegoldpope » Wed Feb 14, 2007 6:08 pm

Her name isn't Yaya (from Udon) is it?
She stopped returning my phone calls, too. 8)

Geoff
Posts: 13
Joined: Sun Dec 03, 2006 10:15 am
Contact:

#8 Postby Geoff » Thu Feb 15, 2007 7:02 am

be nice goldpope... :roll:

thegoldpope
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 6:05 pm
Location: Bangkok, Thailand

#9 Postby thegoldpope » Thu Feb 15, 2007 6:41 pm

Actually, that happened to me.
AND her name is Yaya.
AND she is from Udon.
I'm just tryng to be sympathetic. :roll:

Geoff
Posts: 13
Joined: Sun Dec 03, 2006 10:15 am
Contact:

#10 Postby Geoff » Thu Feb 15, 2007 7:18 pm

well then I am sorry for both of you...it is a crummy thing to have happen....but where will you head from here...will there be another thai teerak in the future??

thegoldpope
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 6:05 pm
Location: Bangkok, Thailand

#11 Postby thegoldpope » Thu Feb 15, 2007 9:27 pm

Hell, that was last February!
I moved on straight away.
I was just reminiscing, because I recognized the story.

Geoff
Posts: 13
Joined: Sun Dec 03, 2006 10:15 am
Contact:

#12 Postby Geoff » Fri Feb 16, 2007 6:58 am

:lol: :lol:

Right On, Brother!


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