Renowned author James Eckardt reviews Thailand Fever
in The Nation and The Phuket Gazette:
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Phuket Gazette Book Reviews, May 14-20, 2005
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Solid advice for new couples
This is a dandy idea. Why didn't anyone think of it before? "Good
Medicine for Thailand Fever," also released under the truncated title
"Thailand Fever," (Paiboon Poomsan Publishing, Bangkok, 2004, 258pp),
and subtitled "A Road Map for Thai-Western Relationships," is a bilingual
marital guide for people who really need it: farang men and Thai women
embarking on a romance with all the hellacious cultural
misunderstandings that will arise.
The authors are Chris Pirazzi and Vitida Vasant. K. Vitada is
certainly highly qualified to give advice. She holds a BA from
Chulalongkorn and an MSc in Cultural Anthropology from the University
of Pennsylvania. She moved to California in 1981 and frequently
returns to Thailand.
She married and divorced a farang, is raising a daughter, and is
engaged to marry another American. Chris Pirazzi's qualifications are
more dubious: he has been travelling in Thailand since 1999. Still, he
holds up his end of the conversation reasonably well.
The even-numbered pages are written in English, the odd in Thai. If
the male symbol is written before a section, that means Pirazzi is
talking; if the female, Vitida; if both, both. Their advice, in the
main, is eminently practical.
Which means I agree with them. If I can put my own oar in, I'm married
to a Thai. My wife and I used to joke that we were married longer than
World War II, but now it's pushing the Thirty Years War.
What do young married couples first fight about?
Money. The Thai wife's attitude toward domestic finance can be summed
up in one sentence: "What's your money is my money and what's my money is my money." The corollary to this is: "Just shut up and give her the
money."
From time immemorial Thai women have been handling the family
finances. When the military ruled in Thailand, their wives ran the
economy. A recent survey indicated that Thai women, in terms of
education and employment, are the most liberated in the Asia Pacific
region.
Thus it bodes well for a farang to tread carefully around the issue of
money. The authors address this in an astute discussion of nam jai
("water heart", or generosity) as opposed to its all-too-familiar
complement kee nieow ("sticky shit", or stingy).
"The value of generosity is so strong that it outweighs the values of
privacy, independence and fairness," writes Pirazzi.
The prospective husband is expected to be generous to his spouse and
her family. "You love your husband more than your family" is a Thai
curse. On the other hand, the family will stick with you through thick
and thin. And your children, unlike hard-hearted farang kids, will
never toss you into a nursing home but rather appoint you guardian of
the grandchildren. Marrying into a highly interdependent Thai family
and raising kids is way different from how farang do it.
"It all comes down to understanding your partner's culture," the
authors write. "Never forget that you and your partner grew up in
cultures that developed separately over thousands of years. To have a
happy relationship, you must understand that your partner does not
share some of the basic beliefs and values you have taken for granted
your whole life. You must be open-minded in ways you've probably never
considered. In this book, we will make you aware of these surprising
differences."
In her advice to Thai women, K. Vitida addressed such Western values
as independence, privacy, fairness, equality, openness and ways of
handling conflict.
"Believe it or not, to the Westerner an argument can be a source of
sanuk (fun)," she writes. "Friends and co-workers can be yelling at
each other one minute and laughing about it over lunch a minute later,
celebrating what a great argument they had! You will need to get used
to this if you live in your boyfriend's country. You might even come
to enjoy it yourself … Getting to the truth is very important to
Westerners – more important than saving face."
My own southern Thai wife has never been a slouch in the argument
department, but I suppose K. Vitida is talking about the ideal Bangkok
woman.
In sum, if you know a Thai-farang couple about to get married, give
them this book. If you're already married, read it yourself.
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The Nation, Sunday April 10th Sunday Style Section
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Sage advice for new couples
A bilingual marital guide helps Western men and Thai women understand each other This is a dandy idea. Why didn’t anyone think of it before? ["Thailand Fever"], subtitled “A Road Map for Thai-Western Relationships”, is a bilingual marital guide for people who really need it: farang men and Thai women embarking on a romance with all the hellacious cultural misunderstandings that will arise between them.
The authors are Chris Pirazzi and Vitada Vasant. Vitada is eminently qualified to give advice. She holds a BA from Chulalongkorn and a MS in cultural anthropology from the University of Pennsylvania. She moved to California in 1981 and frequently returns to Thailand. She married and divorced an American, is raising a daughter, and is engaged to marry another American. Chris Pirazzi’s qualifications are more dubious: he has been travelling in Thailand since 1999. So what? Still, he holds up his end of the conversation reasonably well.
The even-numbered pages are written in English, the odd in Thai. If the male symbol is written before a section, that means Pirazzi is talking; if the female, Vitada; if both, both. Their advice, in the main, is eminently practical.
Which means I agree with them. If I can put my own oar in, I’m married to a Thai. My wife and I used to joke that we were married longer than World War II, but now it’s pushing the Thirty Years War.
What do married couples fight about?
Money. The Thai wife’s attitude toward domestic finance can be summed up in one sentence: “What’s your money is my money and what’s my money is my money.” The corollary to this is: “Just shut up and give her the money.”
From time immemorial Thai women have been handling the family finances. When the military ruled in Thailand, their wives ran the economy. A recent survey indicated that Thai women, in terms of education and employment, are the most liberated in the Asia Pacific region.
Thus it bodes well for a farang to tread carefully about the issue of money. The authors address this in an astute discussion of nam jai (“water heart” or generosity) as opposed to kee niaow (“sticky shit” or stingy).
“The value of generosity is so strong that it outweighs the values of privacy, independence and fairness,” writes Pirazzi.
The prospective husband is expected to be generous to his spouse and her family. “You love your husband more than your family” is a Thai curse. On the other hand, the family will stick with you through thick and thin. And your children, unlike hard-hearted farang kids, will never dump you into a nursing home but rather appoint you guardian of the grandchildren. Marrying into a highly interdependent Thai family and raising kids is way different from how farang do it.
“It all comes down to understanding your partner’s culture,” the authors write.
“Never forget that you and your partner grew up in cultures that developed separately over thousands of years. To have a happy relationship, you must understand that your partner does not share some of the basic beliefs and values you have taken for granted your whole life. You must be open-minded in ways you’ve probably never considered. In this book, we will make you aware of these surprising differences.”
In her advice to Thai woman, Vitida addresses such Western values as independence, privacy, fairness, equality, openness and ways of handling conflict.
“Believe it or not, to the Westerner an argument can be a source of sanuk [fun],” she writes. “Friends and co-workers can be yelling at each other one minute and laughing about it over lunch a minute later, celebrating what a great argument they had! You will need to get used to this if you live in your boyfriend’s country. You might even come to enjoy it yourself... Getting to the truth is very important to Westerners – more important than saving face.”
My own southern Thai wife has never been a slouch in the argument department, but I suppose Vitida is talking about the ideal Bangkok woman.
Vitida also gives solid advice on a pernicious but unforeseen factor in a cross-cultural marriage: the Thai wife arrives in America and hates it. She’s separated from family and friends. The supermarkets are sterile. The suburbs are lonely.
“Even though the houses may be beautiful and there’s nature around, the Thai newcomer will find herself asking: ‘Where have all the people gone?’”
Worst of all, your kids will grow up to become farang.
“If you raise your children in the West, they may look Thai, and you may even teach them to wai their grandparents, but in reality they will think, feel, and behave like Westerners. This is inevitable. You must prepare your heart and adjust your expectations accordingly.”
If you know a Thai-farang couple about to get married, give them this book.
If you’re already married, read it yourself.
James Eckardt reviews Thailand Fever in 'The Nation'
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