Discussion of Thai-Western relationships and the book, "Thailand Fever."
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Post by kanaka » Sat Nov 05, 2005 4:11 am

I found your book in the nick of time. My fiancee is a Isan girl from Roi-et province in the village of Pongthong.I have known her for one year. She speaks very little english as I speak only nitnoy Thai.I just got back from a two week visit. I learned much about her and her culure but left her with a lack of understanding which temped me to call off the whole relationship.I realize now that much of her distant attitudes she had for me in the last few days of my visit stemed from her parents and family desire(pressure) to have us wed. While I have been some what generous with support over the last year my marriage plans where for her to come to america to marry me where we could both continue to make money and plan our return to Thailand. I have filed fiance papers and am waiting for approval. She has told me that she wants to come but also that she has not told her parents of our plans. She is a respectable lady(works as a preschool teacher) is divorced with two teenage sons. Her father expects a dowery which I have no objection (since I read your book).I want to know however if the negociations are really as such. Would it be rude to bring up things as divorce, children,her age(35)etc.?My plan now is to return in three or four months have a nonbinding Thai wedding and then return with her to my home. She is so bound to her village that I doubt she will be staying here for long. I really need someone for consultation is why I have turned to this forum in the hope that someone might help me. I have many questions. Hello,is any body out there?

Chris Pirazzi
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Post by Chris Pirazzi » Mon Nov 07, 2005 2:45 pm

[NB kanaka followed up on this privately with Kun Vitida]

In general, for those reading this forum who want some advice
or translation but don't want to post publically, you can also
contact Kun Vitida directly:



high expectations, dowry ??

Post by bdw » Fri Dec 16, 2005 8:45 am

kanaka wrote:
Her father expects a dowery
why on Earth is he expecting a Dowry for his previously married daughter ?

sounds like greed to me :(

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Post by Yenner » Sat Apr 15, 2006 10:47 am

No it would not be rude to bring up the divorce, children, her age(35) etc.

Cultures can vary within Thailand. But my understanding is that a previously married lady with two teenage kids doesn't get a dowry.

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Post by snowball » Mon Aug 14, 2006 10:57 am

From what i read in the book..those where more like given away :)

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Location: bkk

oh my god

Post by iceice » Tue Jan 08, 2008 12:50 am

never brought up her divorce , ages. unless you want to do the opposite. it is same i speak to your parent about your past, age and not going to marry you.

the parent values their child. the child(thai) values the parent. you value her. she passes it to her parent on your behalf. if the amount is problem, i suggest you talk to your girl. and she speaks to her parent or whatever. love comes to the end. if this bother very much, don't do it. no woman would be happy hearing a complain about dowry thing later. show some respect and do the best you can that is all the woman ask. if you have a kid, you love your kid. same way we do for our parent.

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