what can I do (or should I do), if anything?

Discussion of Thai-Western relationships and the book, "Thailand Fever."
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howcanitbefixed
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Feb 14, 2006 3:59 pm

what can I do (or should I do), if anything?

Post by howcanitbefixed » Tue Feb 14, 2006 4:04 pm

Ok… so here is the situation involving two guys, one Thai and one American.

It’s not romantic, but I felt better posting this in this forum as I like the Thailand Fever book very much.

I live in Bangkok. I have a best friend who is Thai. We have known each other about 6 months. We generally see each other every day and go everywhere together.

Over the weekend, we made plans to do something (I want to skip what “it” was as its personal).

Anyway, we went together and I did my part and then when his turn came he changed his mind (or chickened out). So he did something else.

I was not happy. It caused me some embarrassment and feeling a little foolish. And there was no misunderstanding. He knew he was backing out and leaving me hanging.

Well, usually I might just forget something like this but this was a bigger deal than normal. So I did not get angry. But when we were alone I told him that it bothered me that he did not tell me he changed his mind. Of course he can change his mind. But if he would have told me before, it would have saved me from grief and trouble.

I calmly focused on the message: “why did you not tell me you were changing plans?” and that I felt sort of foolish having done my part and then he did not do his.
That it was sort of unbalanced and that I felt kind of alone (something like that anyway).

The response was basically that he understood and felt bad.

Ok, so I thought “ok I got this out of me and we are done with it”.

But he seems to have taken this to heart in a big way. He seems to be avoiding me now. And when we are together he acts distant. He doesn’t seem happy/excited when we talk on the phone.

I don’t know if he is just embarrassed and feels bad?

Or if he thinks my friendship with him was fickle and has somehow changed?

Or I don’t know?


I am not sure what the best course of action is.

Should I try to call him and say “look my culture is different. I said what was on my mind and that got rid of it. I am sorry your feelings were hurt. We should just put it behind us and move on”.

Or should I just lay low and give him a couple days to just recover and come back when he is ready?

Suggestions?

Yenner
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Apr 15, 2006 9:48 am

Post by Yenner » Sat Apr 15, 2006 10:39 am

I'm not sure what the personal "it" is. But I've found when making any plans with Thai people, they often change their minds, don't do what they say they are going to do or tell you that will do something and then don't do it. When you confront them "I thought you said you were going to...... !? Why didn't you do it!?" The Thai loses face and things get awkward.

After a face losing incident. I usually let it settle for a couple days and then act all cheery and pretend it never happened. Confronting and dealing with an issue is very unThai. Just pretend it never happened.

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