Thailand Fever reviewed in "All About Thailand"

Discussion of Thai-Western relationships and the book, "Thailand Fever."
Post Reply
Chris Pirazzi
Posts: 23
Joined: Thu Nov 25, 2004 2:10 am

Thailand Fever reviewed in "All About Thailand"

Post by Chris Pirazzi » Mon Jan 10, 2005 12:50 pm

This one from the "All About Thailand" board at Paknam Web
(thailandguidebook.com):

http://www.thailandguidebook.com/cgi-bi ... 5916&&st=0

To view this board you must register and log in (free), or you can
just read the review right here:

I just read the book today. It only takes about an hour to read the whole thing, cover to cover, mainly because half of it is Thai, and it says the same thing. It also helps if you are familiar with most of the topics already.

When I first saw the picture of the Thai girl on the cover, along with the title Thai Fever, I immediately thought "Oh no, yet another fic book on the beaten theme of 'gullible-Farang-jerk-meets-innocent-bargirl'. But, as the saying goes "don't judge the book by its cover", so I read further, and boy, I'm glad I did!

Essentially, the purpose of the book is to bridge the huge gap between Western and Thai ways of life - but only in the scope of Farang man-Thai woman relationships. The authors quickly acknowledge this limitation, with the appropriate disclaimer that readers who expect a treatise on general Thai culture, or a guide to Farang-Thai interaction at the workplace, should look elsewhere. One point for honesty!

Before they dwell into the topics, the authors also define what they mean by "Western" and "Thai". They came up with an oversimplified definition (they lump all whites, African Americans men and women etc. together, based on social norms. However, Italian family values greatly differ from American ones, for instance), but again, they acknowledge the limitation and give good reasons. (Read the book to find out what those are. ) Rather than striving for political correctness, they came up with something practical that works for the intended purpose. One point for practicality.

Another plus about the book is its down-to-earth, informal tone. The authors maintain the feeling as if they were sitting with you in the living room, chatting. This makes any awkward topic much more manageable, not to mention that it is actually fun to read! More about this later.

So far, nothing new under the sun. I've read books that deal with the hardships of Thai-Farang relationships and they went more or less the same route. What make this book stand out from the crowd are its unique innovations that are not just there for the sake of being different, but really do help. In fact, I wonder why previous authors did not think of them sooner.

Previously I mentioned the conversational tone of the book. This is further enhanced when the two authors make a clear distinction about whom they are addressing the moment - just like a real conversation. Chris, the Farang expat living in Thailand, talks to us, the Farang men. He explains why Thais think and behave as they do, and gives advices how to manage possible problems. Meanwhile Vitida, the Thai woman, a university graduate and successful businessperson in the US, pulls Thai female readers over, and talks with them in a "sister-to-sister" manner. She tells them why their Western hubby occasionally behaves strangely, what irritates him about Thai ways, and what she can do to help him fit in more. And then there are occasions when both authors talk to the couple. They use the international signs for male and female at the beginning of each paragraph to let readers know who's talking to whom.

This system has many advantages. First of all, it breaks down part of the communication barrier that is inherent when communication is done through books. It also generates trust in the readers. Many men would be uncomfortable accepting advice to their private lives from a Thai woman, and conversely, Thai women would take the advice of a Farang man with a huge grain of salt. Furthermore, both authors are in the position of understanding the values of the other culture, while at the same time know how to convey those ideas to their own folks effectively.

Another advantage of the book is its bilingual structure. Unlike other bilingual books, the translation is not after each chapter, but page-by-page. The left page is written in English; the right page is written in Thai. While the authors could easily set it up in a way that Khun Vitida advises the female readers in Thai, and Chris advises the male readers in English, the current way is much better. Both authors' words are translated to both languages. This creates an atmosphere of trust and honesty, and allows a unique insight into the other side's point of view. In a sense, it serves as a mirror of yourself - through the filter of another culture. While this may have been an unintended side effect, I found this aspect of the book the most useful.

The actual content of the book holds few surprises. In the first few chapters the authors establish the basics of each culture. They stress important Western ideas that may seem strange in Thai context, and emphasize Thai values that are essential to maintain the fabric of Thai society, yet seem strange from the Western mindset. They address independence, privacy, fairness, equality, openness and what they mean to the Western man. They explain น้ำใจ, สำนุกบุญคุณ , ความกตัญญู , ดื้อเงียบ and why these values are integral to Thai life.

In the later chapters, they take these explanations and apply them to different aspects of Thai-Western romantic relationships such as courting, dating, meeting the parents, engagement, marriage, sex, living with the family etc. They expose potential pitfalls and offer practical ways of dealing with them.

Overall, I found the book useful and entertaining - perhaps the best in its category. It is a practical, honest approach to the problems of intercultural relationships, with a set of unique and innovative ideas that set a new standard in the genre.

Who is the intended audience? The book mostly benefits Thai-Western couples (Thai female and western male to be specific). However, learners of Thai culture may also find it as a useful reference source. Even if you are a Westerner who doesn't have the intention of getting romantically involved with Thais (rare breed, welcome! ^_^ ), this book may serve as a handbook for interpreting the behavior of Thais towards you, and their expectations about you. The advices found therein may help you to get along with Thais better. Last, but not least, if you ever played with the idea of a cross-cultural marriage, this book serves as a good reality check. "This is what awaits you, this is what you need to give - are you ready for it?" (I'm not.)

Nothing is perfect. This book has its faults too. Well, from my point of view, anyway. It makes me feel uneasy how they address some of Thailand's problems - rather insensitively, IMO. They openly admit that the book was, at least partly, designed to help bargirls and their lousy clientele, as well as the losers who just come here to find a wife. Rather than denouncing this vice of Thailand, they seem to actively promote it. There are specific sections on how to get it on with bargirls, and, if it gets serious, how to get around the problem of introducing them to the family. Here is what the authors say about the intended Western audience:
Quote
Is one of these you?

-You came to Thailand to travel or work, but to your surprise you’ve found love – you’re feeling wonderful, but a bit confused and overwhelmed, as the Thai world swirls around you. Everything seems almost too good to be true.

-You’ve had trouble finding lasting relationships at home. Maybe you are shy, or divorced, or older, or you think you are fat – doesn’t matter. For whatever reason, it seems like Thailand is a great place to find your soul mate. Perhaps you’ve heard that “the Thai women over there know how to treat a man,” or that “looks don’t count there like they do back home.”

-You came to Thailand to hang out with bar girls for a few weeks, but suddenly you find that you are both considering a longer-term connection.

I find it repulsive that the authors cater to those in the last two categories. Their message seems to be "Come here, you can do it - there may be problems, but we show you how you can get around them and have a good time". This is the last thing Thailand needs more of - social inept losers and sex-tourist jerks. The authors do a big disservice to Thailand and to the normal Farang expats by promoting such activities over here. We have enough problems putting up with our bad reputation as it is already. But I understand the motives. Increasing the target audience will undoubtedly increase the profit.

At the end, despite its flaw, it is still a great book. If you think about marriage, get this book. If you want to understand the Thai paradigm better, get it. If you are married already, and want to understand your spouse better, get it. If you are a sex-tourist or an antisocial freak, get lost.
Last edited by Chris Pirazzi on Thu Jun 23, 2005 1:37 pm, edited 2 times in total.

martinfrank

Antisocial Freaks and sex-tourist jerks

Post by martinfrank » Tue Jan 11, 2005 3:27 pm

Expressions like "antisocial freaks", "sex-tourist jerks", "inept losers" in the previous posting prove that the book's message has not been understood. Why should the ordinary Western visitor to Thailand not be repulsed by the poor lot of expats working in Bangkok because they couldn't get a job at home? Aren't most of them not qualified English "teachers" anyway? ... Prejudice breeds prejudice.
The Thai didn't need Farangs to teach them the Joys of Commercial Sex. Today still, 90% or more of Thai prostitution caters for the locals. Whose mother's business is it?
If a bargirl and her children are lucky enough to find a Farang friend and move abroad, isn't that a good thing? If a guy who died of loneliness somewhere in the West finds a lesser kind of love or happiness in Pattaya, what does it bother the reviewer? Read the article at http://www.pattayapages.com/girls/academic.html to understand better the many facets of prostitution in Thailand.

SiamJai

Post by SiamJai » Tue Jul 19, 2005 10:06 pm

If a guy who died of loneliness somewhere in the West finds a lesser kind of love or happiness in Pattaya, what does it bother the reviewer?
I am the reviewer, so I take the liberty to answer this question, albeit quite late. Were this question asked in the forum for which the review was originally written, the answer would have come sooner too.


It's been the source of endless frustration for me and other normal expatriates that our integration into Thai society is hindered by what we call the "Farang burden".

The Caucasian foreigner in Thailand starts out with a bad rep by default, due to the lowlives that plague this wonderful country: people who come here for the sole purpose of buying a stereotypical submissive Asian wife and people who want 'services' for which they would be stygmatized and arrested in their home country.

Regrettably, even university-educated Thais have misconceptions about Farang in general, which creates a tremendous socio-cultural barrier that can only be overcome by consistent display of good character. This can only happen if we interact with a particular Thai person for a long time, which is not always the case. In short-time interactions, we just have to get on with it. God only knows about all the opportunities missed because of this undeserved bad reputation. I believe that it would benefit both Thailand and its normal visitors if these 'imported' social diseases could be cured, or at least reduced.

Martinfrank, thank you for the article link. I am already aware of the facts presented in the article; in fact I explored the issues from both sides in a couple of lengthy essays about it on thai-blogs.com.

Like I wrote in the above-quoted review, it's disenheartening to see that an excellent book such as Thailand Fever aims to help not only normal visitors who happened to fall in love while in Thailand, but also jerks who would marry any Asian woman who will take care of their sorry asses for a fee; and bargirl-visiting sickos. Rather than alleviating Thailand's problem, the authors chose to contribute to it, presumeably for higher profits.

While I recommend the book to all of my friends (the original intent of the review), this part always leaves me with bitter feelings.

Siamjai

Post Reply