Dowery and an orphan

[snowball]

i met my thai girl trough a netsite, she is working in a hospital and seems to be the most nice and patient girl ever
I have decided to go to thailand to meet her..and if all goes good take her back home to me

I mentioned that when we chatted..and mentioned that i was falling in love with her..and had intentions of marrying her if we both felt that was a good thing...that brought out the question about 500$ a month...

i was a bit offgueard that night so i didnt se the intentions behind it..and tried to tell her that i would after we decided if we marry or not ..apperantly she thought decition was already done..but 500bucks..isent that in upper lane ? .. or i dunno..im totally new on this

Well ive read your book..so i told i would support her..and her family..but it had to be bugdeded and talked about not cause i didnt want to..but i had to know

But she has told me that both her parents and grandparents are dead..all she got is 2 brothers and a sister. She is also "over her prime" (noknown reason) what would be my expectations and way to deal with traditional thai ways here..somehow i guess her oldest brother is some kinda "head" of he family ?

I asked her about this..but she said "forget about" but as i read..that dont mean much ...i told her i understood nam-jai..and i wanted to take care of her family as well..then she seemed so surprised..but ended with the "up to you baby" lol.. but then again thanked me for knowing her culture so much

i kinda know there is some major traps here..who will be the head of the family ? ...and what about dowery ? to whom ? and..well i guess the amount would be the same as if it was her parents ?

Thnx for any help

Snowball

[Nong]

I guess you'd better talk to her clearly that you don't understand. Ask her why she wants you to pay to her brother? Is that a monthly basis or a dowry? I think if she want on monthly basis it may be for herself?? or for her face?? to marry farrnag mean to marry a millionare. I think it is totally up to you and her in case of her parent died. Just ask her clearly about this. Some of my friends marry a Thai and no dowry at all. But some pay huge!
I wondered if you met her in real yet?

[ooyitphil]

Hi Snowball

I'm married with an English man and he paid for the dowry for my Mum
and now I have send money back to home every month for my Mum to buy food and etc include pay for my sister's school. I think the reason of why your GF she want you to pay the dowry for her brother maybe because he's lookafter her when the parent dead. Like me now I sent money back to home and pay for my sister's school. So if my Mum she not still life when my sister get married the guy who married with my sister have to pay the dowry to me too.

I hope my post will help you and hope you understand my English too

Good luck to you both

ooy

[thaidude]

Snowball,

how long have you know this woman? Is this the first time you are going to meet her in person? I wouldn't recommend just going to meet once and then bringing her home to the USA. Why don't you live in Thailand for a while and get to know her. Just like any relationship you may have here, you need to spend time to get to know each other and once you find compatability and both of you seem to be able to work within the relationship would I recommend discussing where the two of you want to live. It may just be more convenient for you to bring her here and work thru that but at least discuss it with her and have a plan for what will happen if the relationship breaks down and goes in an unexpected direction.

As far as the $500 per month goes, I would clarify what it's for and get an idea of the actual needs for this kind of financial support. Get an idea of what salaries are like in Thailand and then make a consideration for what you are providing. $500 = 20,000B and 300,000B (25,000B/month) is a pretty good salary in Thailand. Now imagine if someone was giving you about US$5,000/month as a donation... You need to put the support thing into perspective and consider the buying power in Thailand. I think a good way to do that is comparing salaries. Check this job posting out:

Job field : Engineering
Industry : Automobile & Parts, Electronic/Computer, Aviation/Airlines
Location : Bangkok
Salary : 300000B

How much do engineers make here in the US in the same industry?
According to my web research around $100K Let's say for argument sake that because of the economics of the situation that the Thai salary is about 60% that of the US equivalent. That would mean you are providing something close to a $60K salary equivalent. I'm sure one could do a COL comparison and get a better feel for it but I think you get the point. It is my opinion that helping someone is a great thing but helping someone/teaching someone to help themself is a much better thing. The latter also takes more effort. Just keep it in perspective.