Another Heart Broken

Discussion of Thai-Western relationships and the book, "Thailand Fever."
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Joined: Thu Sep 07, 2006 11:34 am
Location: Midwest, USA

Another Heart Broken

Post by benmajor » Thu Sep 07, 2006 12:20 pm

I fell in love with a Thai lady 10 months ago. She worked freelance in Samui, but business was slow so she came up to Pattaya with a friend. Met her first night she was there in Lucifer's Disco. Within three days we seemed seriously in love with each other. Within nine months I had returned to Thailand four times to spend time with her and get to know her better. The third time I proposed to her while overlooking Phuket from a lovely restaurant. She was 31. I was 44.

She had lived with a Thai man for seven years initially and had a son with him. She loved the Thai Man him very much but he left her and the son to go live with richer woman. The Thai Man never took good care of her, but still she was devastated by the loss. She went to work in Samui based on her mother's recommendation to find good Farang.

In Samui, she met an Austrian man who after 1 year married her but then left her also. She worked for two more years. Then I met her.

I took incredibly good care of her and her family. I loved her like she had never been loved before.

We took the most romantic together. I came back for her birthday and made a party for her whole family. I came back for Valentine’s Day and wined and dined her first class. I spent Songkran with her in the best way in Chiang Mai. We snorkeled off Pi Pi and I herded cows with her father on their farm near Korat.

I bought two copies of Thai Fever, one for her and one for me, and we read through it and discussed together all the time. Her English was quite good. We seemed to have such great communication together. She was my whole world now and I was loving it.

Her 11-year old son called me Pappa and I loved him also. I always had wanted a son, and I had a daughter from a previous marriage and she wanted a daughter. What a fit. She called me her Sami all the time and she was my devoted Palaya.

I gave many *very* generous gifts to her parents. The marriage wasn’t formalized or official yet, but it felt that way to all of us. We discussed Visa to my country, USA. We discussed having another child together. We wanted to eventually build a house near Chiang Mai. I was so unbelievably happy.

Then she started getting nervous she could not make me happy. One day she made something for me to eat in her poor home and I was hesitant to eat it because I wasn’t sure what it was, and she became very upset. She started showing me a lot of insecurities. I tried reassuring her but it didn’t help.

On my fourth trip I was very tired from the travel and I didn’t feel so well. I was a little cranky. This made her very upset also. She took it very personally. She couldn’t seem to keep it in perspective. She said she was reconsidering coming to visit me in my country, needed more time to think about it.

On my fifth trip there was more tension in her. I felt so bad. We went to Ayuthaya and had a pretty good time, but there was something missing. I could not put my finger on it. She said she wasn’t sure about staying with me anymore because she wanted good life.

Good Life? I was very confused! I gave her and her family VERY good life. I loved her so much and she knew it. What was the problem? I became upset because I was so frustrated. Our last night together was not good, very stressed.

When I boarded my plane she asked me to call her and let me know I got back OK. I returned and called her but just left a message. She never called me back. For two weeks I tried calling her and emailing and text messaging her, but nothing. Finally, she told me she was OK but finished with me. The Thai Man had come back last month to raise their son and she wanted to try again with him. Now it was my turn to be devastated.

She told me she didn’t like trying so hard to be good wife for me, it was too constraining for her. She liked to party and drink with her many friends, even if it was bad for her (which it was--I paid for her exam and she had Hep B and some liver damage already.) She kept saying I made her “think too much”. What does that mean? She couldn’t explain it to me clearly.

She told me she was very sorry, that I was very good man, but she was very bad woman. She said she wasn't staying with the Thai Man now because she thinks he is still the same. Then she said goodbye and “I am sorry what I do to you.” That was it--the end. That was four weeks ago. I am still trying to recover from this.

She claims she loved me sincerely, but now she doesn’t. I gave her so much, yet she walked away from me so quickly, and I did nothing but try to treat her well. Her parents and fellow villagers, she said, are all sad she has done this and say she is stupid. But her mind seems very made up.

I went to pray several times at a local Wat near me here in the U.S. for her to reconsider, but it feels useless now. I don't expect her to call me again. Now she is very happy and is probably hunting different farang again in Bangkok.

I guess she decided she just didn’t like me enough to try with me. I have never been so hurt in all my life.

I don’t know what I expect from posting here, but I needed another channel to let off some grief. It has been one of the hardest periods of my life ever. I don't know that I can return to Thailand for quite some time now, if ever. I will get over her at some point, but probably never 100%. What a horrible experience with Thai Lady.

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Joined: Fri Nov 24, 2006 12:28 pm
Location: thailand

Broken heart better than never learn about love

Post by Ta » Fri Nov 24, 2006 1:18 pm

after i read your post, i sympathize with you :( but the next day alway come. I do sad and cry with you too.

I am a person who have a problem with relationship between western guy and me (thai lady). but my case is different from you. thoes your case make me remind of my bf. he didn't take care of me kinna like you and your's lady. Example: he never come on my birthday and do party for me. it has been 2years. Oh! poor my self. So that why i said ,i sympathize with you. sound like you take care of her everythings but she never relize whatever you do or did. So i beleive in you that your heart will be strong soon. and please don't forget "TOMORROW ALWAYS COME" it mean your new life is waiting for you. it up to you that you shell jump to new life or not. Although it is hardly.

From someone who she has a problem too
p.s not just only you in the world ,have a problem. right?
i am interesting what it is different relationship between western guys and thai ladys

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Joined: Fri Feb 09, 2007 9:49 pm

another broken heart

Post by jaguar » Fri Feb 09, 2007 10:11 pm

I havea problem similar. I went to Bangkok on business for the first time last May. I met a girl in a bar and my freind pated the bar 8,000 baht and we took the girls back to our hotel for the night. I called her the next day and arranged to meet again and since then I have returned to BKK 6-7 times and spend 5 or 6 days with her each time. I am married and 48 years old. Married for 21 years.
I am so in love with Tip now I cannot do anything without thinking about her. i am consumed with her 24 hours a day. I know I cannot get divorced and have half heartedly tried to tell Tip that we cannot stay together but she thinks that Buddah will make it happen. She has finished working the bar, at my request and she goes to beauty school every day and massage school every weekend. we talk on the phone at least three times a day> she has moved out of her room in Ekkami and in with her sister and brother whome I have met both. I will return and see her again March 5th for 5 days and maybe one more trip aftert that. beyond that the project is finished and I cannot return to Thialand. Both Tip and Thailand are in my blood and I cannot just walk away. i do send money for school and room and food, when I tell her I cannot come back but will send money she cries and tells me not to send money but use it to come and see her on holiday. I have read Private Dancer and my Tip is for real. My problem is I must let her down one day and life without her is a frightening thought. i talked to some friends, i thought about divorce but I know long term this would not work and would end in the same disaster as 90 % of these relationships.
I have to continue to see her as long as I can but soon it will end. I am taking Xanax to enable me to function and leaving work and drinking massive ammounts of Vodka before i can go home and face my wife and daughter. I think that when she is finished with her school (4 Months) she will work with her sister as they will both be certified beuticians and I can fade away via telephone and SMS. I intend to give her enough cash to leave BKK and go back to live in the country. any advice on what else I can do?

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Joined: Sun Dec 03, 2006 5:15 pm

Post by Geoff » Sun Feb 11, 2007 10:11 pm

Ben, sorry to hear about your trouble....I hope you can over it.


This may sound harsh but I think it is what you need right now. Look yourself in the mirror and ask 'What the F am I doing?'

Cut things off now and take care of your health and your family. Tip will survive without you and apart from being sad for a while, she will suffer no long term damage. Your daughter on the other hand would be devastated if it comes to light what you are doing to her and her mother.

Don't go to see her any more. Don't send more money. Get help with the chemical abuse.

Remind yourself that you are on the verge of shattering your daughter's life.

Sorry it had be so blunt. (I would give you a swift kick in the ass as well if I could. ) But i think you know that you needed it.

Good luck Jag. I really hope you find the strength to take care of this the right way.


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Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2007 6:59 am


Post by PhuketLee » Mon Mar 26, 2007 7:15 am

All I can ask is why is everyone so headlong into marriage with a Thai?

If you live in Thailand, hopefully you have some male Thai friends, if you don't live here, then make some male Thai friends, these are the people who will help you if you plan on moving to Thailand, more on this at a later time.

Ask your male Thai freinds if they are married, you will be surprised to find out that many are not, they just live together.

The only advantage for the lady is that here family gets money and gold, there is no advantage for the man. It takes two days to register a mariage, and it takes 20 minutes to get divorced! There is no alimony here, what you each brought into the marriage is still yours, what you accumilated after marriage can be decided by the couple as to who keeps what.

If you are wanting to get married to take the girl back to you home country, I would advise you to look at some visa assistance places in Thailand for advice.

Hope this helps.

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Joined: Mon Apr 09, 2007 1:37 am

Post by jo » Mon Apr 09, 2007 2:00 am

PhuketLee, are you saying that it's not uncommon for Thai couples to live together and raise a family without getting married? what percentage do you estimate fall in this group? I believe it would be a lot lower for a farang male /Thai female common-law relationship?

I've lived in Asia for a third of my life and generally it's frowned upon for a woman to live with a man out of wedlock. My Thai GF would be very reluctant to move in with me if I moved to Bangkok. Unless we got married first. ;)

Demographically, would you say common-law relationships are more prevalent in lower to middle-income groups? and more prevalent with those who live in urban communities as opposed to couples in rural areas?

Thanks for any insights you may offer,

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Joined: Wed Dec 14, 2016 6:53 am

Re: Another Heart Broken

Post by OhioGreg » Sat Jan 21, 2017 11:04 am

I have also gone through an experience pretty much the same thing.
Its hard to get over it.
I know it's been awhile since your last post but I was wondering how you were doing and perhaps what you did to get over it?
I appreciate all advice from this group.

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